Prose by Sam Yang - Get similar updates here
Hard to feel bad when I think good thoughts.
Hard to feel good when I think bad thoughts.
It's obvious that it's impossible to feel good if I only have bad thoughts.
It's also impossible to feel good if I only have good thoughts.
There is a need for wholeness. A complex balance of all the aspects of my nature. A need not only for self-acceptance, but whole self-acceptance. An acceptance of my very being.
I am not my thoughts...
That is to say that I am not only my thoughts.
I am many things, my nature has many pieces.
I am not my mind.
I tell my mind what to do and think.
Though it is difficult to control my mind, difficulty does not erase my control.
I preside over my mind, however difficult the task may be.
I am not my mind or my body.
I, in a way, supersede these elements.
My mind can think, my body can do.
I can tell my mind what to think, then my thoughts tell my body what to do. But my body does without my thoughts; my mind thinks without me knowing.
I trust this process.
There is still room for spirit. It's just a matter of semantics. From consciousness, sentience, to soul — the idea that you are more than the amalgam of your brain and body.
I don't know what the "afterlife" is.
I do know in essence, we are all stardust and we will return back to stardust.
Perhaps one day we'll recombine again into something with sentience.
Perhaps pieces of us will recombine to several things with sentience.
Or it won't.
Or it will be a combination of sentient and non-sentient things.
What is assured is that we will continue.
When I have those moments where I believe I am only my body or only my thoughts, despair creeps in.
If it does, I accept that, too.
I know it'll be fleeting. I know all things change. I cannot remain in any state for too long.
That's the only truth I know.
If I do not accept, I will fixate. It will linger. Creating an environment for more despair.
The more I deny my nature, the stronger despair's foothold.
Western religions say, "This too shall pass."
Eastern religions say, "All things must pass."
The Greeks say, "There is nothing permanent except change."
Science in a way is the study of impermanence.
My nature is like two streams travelling in opposite directions.
Trying to reduce myself is like trying to find the center of an infinite universe that is infinitely expanding.
I am more than any one thing. I can also know all things from one thing. Rather than dissociating, it is more relevant to think of them as parts of a continuum.
As much as I have an ability to control, wholeness also submits, yields, and lets go.
Nature controls and nature yields.
This is the ebb and flow.
This is the frustration.
This is the art.
I am not my thoughts.
This is the wholeness of the self.
I am not my body.
Self-wholeness is living art.
I am beyond measure.
You are beyond measure.